Happy birthday Tyler!! May you get everything for which you wish. And thanks for my two new tattoos. Remember in Indy last week, I had you write a song title on my lower back? And another title for my right foot? Well, they are now permanently emblazoned on me. The one on my back is what you saved me from two years ago. The one on my foot has been my mantra ever since. Thank you!! Next time I see you guys will be ( in Dave's words) "double digits...cool!" Yep...the 10th time!! ROCK ON!!

I GOT IT!! I GOT IT!! I got my FREE "The Truth Is.,," Special Edition CD today, and it really, truly rocks!! Well, actually, there are no words for it....FUCKTABULOUS?!!! My favorites are still "Out of My Head" and "Head Above Water".... and Chrissy & Tyler, you had me literally laughing OUT LOUD on my patio with "The Truth Is...(I Lied About Everything)". I'm sure my neighbors were thinking "oh great, she's drinking again!!" And "Does It Really Matter"....HOLY SHIT is all I can say about that one. Tyler, Dave, Dean and Joe....well done, guys. Deadfans...you will love it!!!!

I (wildlifer22/Beth/winner#1 of "The Truth Is...") would like to congratulate Gleen and paint ur music. My fellow brothers and sisters in CHRIST (Club Honoring Radically Iconic Sultry TOAD), welcome to the club. We all, even those Deadfans who haven't been as lucky as us, share at least one thing in common....our love for TOAD, the best band on the planet! Paint ur music, you and I share even more. You're an artist (quite impressive one, too) and I am a writer. (Bachelors Degree in Journalism...I do the wildlife rehabilitating on the side). AND I, too, was once like you... an extreme introvert. Afraid of what people thought of me. Afraid to let people know me. I kept everything bottled up inside. (I would NEVER have posted anything like this!) I look at my life as PRE-THEORY AND POST-THEORY. Pre-Theory is everything prior to two years ago, when Theory saved my life. LIterally!! Post-Theory is obviously everything since then. Pre-Theory I built my walls to keep people OUT and my feelings IN. People don't know me they can't hurt me, right? Big fallacy! Those closest to you will hurt you the worst, just give 'em time. They don't do it intentionally. It's just that we don't expect those we love to hurt us so when they DO, it cuts us even deeper!!! Anywho, the keeping everything bottled up inside thing didn't work too well.... two years ago I had a meltdown and was forced to finally deal with some really nasty shit that happened to me as a kid. Shit that I hope never happens to any of you, to anyone! Shit that would send most people to a therapist or at least a drug addiction. I dealt with it like I've dealt with everything my entire life....alone. I didn't let anyone in. I was in the deepest, darkest pit imaginable, ready to check myself off this giant spinning orb. And the ONLY thing that saved me, the ONLY thing that got through my walls, was THEORY. Post-Theory I am a narcissist just like most of society. Thanks to my new FUCK YOU ATTITUDE, which I owe to Theory, I climbed out of that pit and fought back....and WON!! I now no longer care what (most) people think. That's why I got my tattooes....I used to be afraid of what people would think of me....now I don't give a shit! If a little black ink is going to change your perception of me, fuck you! You obviously didn't care too much for me to begin with. Paint ur music, I'm just saying that I'm glad you gave it a shot!! Don't ever be afraid of what others may think. It's YOUR life. We don't get anywhere standing on the sidelines. You have to fight for what you want....stand up for what you believe. Life is good....thanks to Theory for saving me then when no one else could, and thanks to my wonderful, caring (and thankfully very understanding) husband who TRIED to help me then but who I wouldn't let in.... I MADE IT!! Now, if only someone could help me learn how to live without my heart (since my daughter will be taking it to college later this summer).... til then, I'll let Theory say what is in my soul (where I swear they find ALL of their lyrics)... "trying to keep your head above water has never been harder, even though it feels hopeless, you're gonna get through this....your head above water, gotta fight from going under, even when it feels useless to wish, you're gonna get through this...."

I (wildlifer22/Beth/winner #1 of "The Truth Is...") would also like to congratulate Gleen and Paint UR Music. My fellow brothers and sisters in CHRIST (Club Honoring Radically Iconic Sultry TOAD), welcome to the CLUB!! We all, even those Deadfans who haven't been as lucky as us, share at least ONE thing in common.... our love for TOAD!! And Paint UR Music, you and I share something else in common. Well, two things. One, we're both artists. I write. You draw, quite impressively, too, I might add. I have a Bachelors Degree in Journalism. I do the wildlife rehabilitating on the side.... strictly voluntary. But I was like you once, extremely shy. I look at my life as PRE-Theory and POST- Theory. Pre-Theory is my life up until two years ago. Two years ago, I was ready to check myself off this planet, and the ONLY thing that saved me...the only thing that broke through my walls and literally kept me from checking off this giant spinning orb was Theory. Everything SINCE then, is obviously Post-Theory. Anywho, Pre-Theory I kept everything bottled up inside. (I would never have posted anything like this Pre-Theory) I was extremely vulnerable. Easily hurt. Was afraid to let people see me....due to possible failure(I've never had any self confidence) or the fact that if I opened up, they would have something to use to hurt me. So I found it easier to build massive walls to keep people OUT and my feelings IN. Didn't turn out so well. Two years ago I had a major meltdown. I opened my Pandoras Box and had to finally deal with some really nasty shit that happened to me as a kid. Shit that I hope never happens to any of you...shit that would lead most people to a therapist or at least a drug addiction. I dealt with it alone, like I've done my entire life. I've never let people in, self-defense mechanism probably. If people don't know me they can't hurt me. Right? Big fallacy! Those closest to you will hurt you the worst, just give 'em time. They don't do it intentionally. It's just that we don't expect those we love to ever hurt us so when they DO, it cuts us COMPLETELY to the core!!! Anyway, two years ago, Theory saved me....or helped me save myself....and I am no longer that shy, retisent introvert. Thanks to my new Fuck You attitude, which I owe completely to Theory, I am a narcissist like most of the rest of society. I let it all out!! I quit worrying about what others think of me, and focused on me! I got my tattooes (something I would never have done before because I was worried what people would think of me), and it's amazing, really, to see how some people's perspectives of me have changed due to a little black ink. Oh well, shows me who they really are!! Not truly my friends. Paint UR music, I hope you continue to show what you're made of....put yourself out there....no one ever gets anywhere by standing on the sidelines. You have to fight for what you want!! And never, never, never give up!! Especially on yourself. I owe EVERYTHING that I now have and now am to Theory (for saving me then) and to my kind, caring, compassionate and (thankfully) very understanding husband who TRIED to reach me then but who I wouldn't let in. LIFE IS A WONDERFUL RIDE.... ENJOY EVERY MOMENT!!! And, in the words of Theory, "keep your head above water, gotta fight from going under, even when it feels useless to wish, you're gonna get through this."

I (wildlifer22/winner #1 of "The Truth Is...", new CD of the #1 Band on the Planet, Theory of a Deadman) would like to congratulate Jackie and Lucas (winners 2 & 3). You are my NEW kindred spirits, my fellow brother and sister in CHRIST (Club Honoring Radically Iconic Sexy/Soulful Tyler/TOAD). Sounds like TOAD has saved us all, in one way or another. Glad to share this ride with you!! BTW....any of you out there had to send your kids off to college? It's a fuckin' killer! Let me back up here, these past few days have, in and of themselves, been a killer ride. Any of you been to Lafayette, Indiana? If you haven't, let me just put it this way....I tell people I don't have to worry about GOING to Hell, I already LIVE there. Soooo... Early Monday morning, I ascended from Hell (Lafayette) and journeyed to Bloomington (Indiana University campus), getting my daughter ready for her transition from home to college. It was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. They say choosing to have a child is choosing to have your heart walk forever outside your body. BELIEVE IT!! Harder yet, wait til they leave!! I know they meant the aforementioned FIGURATIVELY, but I'm not so sure. When I drop her off, 8/21/11, I will become the FIRST PERSON EVER to live without her heart!!! She'll be taking it with her!! I know, I know. Overly dramatic? Look, I'm an artist/writer. We tend to be emotionally hyper-sensitive. I tend to thrive on the tragic (in books, movies, songs)....I do my best writing when I'm at my lowest. Good thing....since that's where I always tend to be. That damn Aesop, getting our hopes up with happy endings....there's no such thing!!! My whole ride home I was singing Theory's new song, "Head Above Water"...."you pray to God the moment when you feel the current pull you in...trying to keep your head above water has never been harder, even when it feels hopeless, you're gonna get through this....keep your head above water, gotta fight from goin' under, even when it feels useless to wish, you're gonna get through this...." Like I said, TOAD always seems to sing what's in my soul already. Well, fortunately my ride ended on the upswing, getting home to find out I had won TOAD's new CD!!! They never cease to amaze me!! They saved me then.....they saved me now.....I love you, TOAD!!! P.S. This will be the 2nd edition of The Guinness Book of World Records that I have appeared in (this time for being the 1st person to live without a heart).... the first time I was in it was for being the youngest person to give birth/and the youngest immaculate conception... I was only 5 years old when I had my daughter.....oh yeah, and it's a damn good thing I get to see Theory again 8/17 (and be backstage) because hopefully my HIGH from my "Theory Fix" will last until I drop my daughter off 8/21....